Leah Benson"What is WRONG with your son?"
July 9th 2008 07:02
Ever since my son's diagnosis with autism, in the fall of 2001, it seems as though everyone has some little kernel, be it an opinion, story, theory, idea, cure, or anecdote that they just have to share with me! In all seriousness its like a compulsion the way people seem powerless over these social offerings! Sometimes, especially when the person I'm talking to is someone I respect and care about, I find myself feeling like such a fraud. I am not this brave, mythological heroine; I do not "handle" max's autism, nor do I gracefully rise to each and every occasion. I sure as hell wasn't chosen by God, as is often suggested. I am the last person one would pick for this job! If becoming a parent required a test, no one in their right mind would have certified me or my uterus!
You get the idea... anyway, as I was saying, it just seems that over and over, I hear varying versions of the same shallow, baffling words, like "well you know, God obviously gave Max to you and Eric because no one else could have done such a wonderful job!" Obviously? obvious to whom? NOT US! And wonderful job?! Come spend a day with us... you just might change your tune! Besides, would you ever tell someone whose son or daughter was recently killed that God only gives people what they can handle? Another load of crap! Some of the greatest people I know have spiritually if not physically died because of circumstances that were, in a word, un-handleable.
Another personal favorite is unsolicited advice, usually from women whom I like to call capital-M Mothers, while standing in a suburban Target or waiting for my son to climb the tubes of a McDonald's play land. These are the women who have mothered-- or to be more accurate, natually birthed-- 4 billion perfectly behaved children and have nothing better to do than tell you exactly why your child is rotten, spoiled, difficult, etc. So... for these women, sorry, Mothers, and for all the other uneducated folks who probably mean well but drive me nuts anyway, we've come up with a little trick. AUTISM T-SHIRTS!
To help curb unwanted "advice" and the hurtful staring/pointing, we've found that autism t-shirts are extremely helpful, especially at large stores where Max is easily over-stimulated. We've ordered most of ours from cafe press because they tend to use humor to break down barriers. For example, Max got a shirt that says; "I have autism, what's your excuse?" This one has helped us through countless social outings! People tend to laugh first, and then give you that "it's okay that your son is screaming at the top of his lungs, really, no problem" look that is such a life-saver. There are hundreds of shirts about autism and aspergers at cafe.press, as well as other autism sites through google. But especially with the younger kids, like my son at eight, he pretty much lives in his autism shirts now. Even other kids at the playground, for example, will interact with him more frequently and with more persistence when his shirt says "I have autism," or "Just because I can't speak doesn't mean I have nothing to say." And as we all know, social interaction is crucial for our kids!
For family members (parents, siblings, aunts/uncles/grandparents, etc.) of autistic or aspie kids, there are also some great shirts and household items on cafepress.com as well. I got a great t-shirt that has a tattoo design and says: "proud parents of an autistic son." And their shirts come in plus sizes, but the 1X I ordered fits more like a womens XL, so you may want to order larger than you normally would.
I would love to hear of other ideas families have come up with for handling these issues. And please let us know about other good resources on-line.
an example of a pre-approved family for the baby-making license...
...and us.
You get the idea... anyway, as I was saying, it just seems that over and over, I hear varying versions of the same shallow, baffling words, like "well you know, God obviously gave Max to you and Eric because no one else could have done such a wonderful job!" Obviously? obvious to whom? NOT US! And wonderful job?! Come spend a day with us... you just might change your tune! Besides, would you ever tell someone whose son or daughter was recently killed that God only gives people what they can handle? Another load of crap! Some of the greatest people I know have spiritually if not physically died because of circumstances that were, in a word, un-handleable.
everytime we go to rent movies-- which makes Max scream with happiness and enthusiasm!-- people either stare, point or ask questions about him
Another personal favorite is unsolicited advice, usually from women whom I like to call capital-M Mothers, while standing in a suburban Target or waiting for my son to climb the tubes of a McDonald's play land. These are the women who have mothered-- or to be more accurate, natually birthed-- 4 billion perfectly behaved children and have nothing better to do than tell you exactly why your child is rotten, spoiled, difficult, etc. So... for these women, sorry, Mothers, and for all the other uneducated folks who probably mean well but drive me nuts anyway, we've come up with a little trick. AUTISM T-SHIRTS!
To help curb unwanted "advice" and the hurtful staring/pointing, we've found that autism t-shirts are extremely helpful, especially at large stores where Max is easily over-stimulated. We've ordered most of ours from cafe press because they tend to use humor to break down barriers. For example, Max got a shirt that says; "I have autism, what's your excuse?" This one has helped us through countless social outings! People tend to laugh first, and then give you that "it's okay that your son is screaming at the top of his lungs, really, no problem" look that is such a life-saver. There are hundreds of shirts about autism and aspergers at cafe.press, as well as other autism sites through google. But especially with the younger kids, like my son at eight, he pretty much lives in his autism shirts now. Even other kids at the playground, for example, will interact with him more frequently and with more persistence when his shirt says "I have autism," or "Just because I can't speak doesn't mean I have nothing to say." And as we all know, social interaction is crucial for our kids!
For family members (parents, siblings, aunts/uncles/grandparents, etc.) of autistic or aspie kids, there are also some great shirts and household items on cafepress.com as well. I got a great t-shirt that has a tattoo design and says: "proud parents of an autistic son." And their shirts come in plus sizes, but the 1X I ordered fits more like a womens XL, so you may want to order larger than you normally would.
I would love to hear of other ideas families have come up with for handling these issues. And please let us know about other good resources on-line.
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